Experiencing neonatal death: an ambivalent transition into motherhood

OBJECTIVE: To illuminate the lived experience of women facing the threat of lossing their newborn child and then experiencing the reality of their infant's death. STUDY DESIGN: Sixteen women were interviewed approximately 2 years after the death of their infant using a hermeneutic phenomenological approach. FINDINGS: The main theme was ambivalent transition into motherhood. The women went through the whole life-span of their infant during a very short time. The women's narratives were interpreted as broken expectations, total confusion, reality awareness, consciously leave-taking, and elusive grief. CONCLUSIONS: Women need the opportunity to evolve their own patterns and rhythms in the ambivalent transition from expected motherhood to experiencing neonatal dying and death. Knowledge about the individuality of this process may assist nurses in improving the quality of care.